Some Mathematical Thoughts

There’s a reason why that particular verb is called menggenapkan.  

Contrary to popular belief, I’d like to think  

that the basic formula for the entanglement of two persons  

is 1 + 1, not 0.5 + 0.5.  

I’d like to think we have a task:  

to fulfill ourselves, to find and be found,  

to stand whole before we reach for another.  

I’d like to think we have the capacity  

to be content with who we are—  

to love someone not as a projection of our own longing  

for connection, or a remedy for old wounds,  

not as redemption for past wrongdoings,  

nor an escape from the shadows of trauma.  

I’d like to think this fuzzy mathematical formula holds,  

even if I know it’s just a product of my own mind,  

a fragile scaffold built from the fear of abandonment.  

As a “1,” you don’t have to fear being reduced,  

even when someone leaves you  

to face the chaos of your own abyss.  

You are not diminished; you remain whole. 

Complete, as you are. 

“Why are you so hard on yourself? And on me?
Why do I feel like you see me as a constant threat?”
I remain silent,
my eyes drawn to the ball of thread,
tangled and forgotten in the corner of my room.

“Can you see me as someone
free from the shadow of your past?”

I feel myself drifting—
quiet feet moving toward the corner.

Salam sayang dan selamat tidur.