I have one lingering memory about one video I saw in my childhood. I was just 11 years old at that time. I don't exactly remember the title, but overall it was about how to treat your partner. I don't necessarily agree with the whole idea, however, there were some interesting points in that video.
I remember the video played some contrasting scenes about how we treat our partner (I think it was the husband of the wife—the central antagonist in that video) and our children. Both of them—the partner and the child—made one or two kinds of mistakes throughout the scenes, but the wife treated them very differently. For her child, she was more caring and giving understanding, calming him/her with soothing words, communicating why or how did he make the mistakes, and asking the child to not doing the same things in the future. Bravo! The child was smiling afterwards, then he/she hugged him/her mother in such endearment, likewise the mother.
The father was not so lucky. The wife was sooo upset about his husband’s constant mistake, and she burst out her anger at her husband—poor him, but we all understand about that, aren’t we?—and then she left him with noisy steps, leaving her husband who looked at the door all sad and guilty. The video proceeded to the scene which intended to be reflective: what IF we treat our partner in the same manner as we did to our child? Caring, understanding, calming, communicating, and asking all in sweet and kind ways. The last scene of the video performed the different conditions and situations if we do the exact thing like the advice the narrator has given. The message is vivid here: treat your partner like you treat your children. Blah, blah. I was so amazed at that moment and promised myself to do the “the message” to my partners in the future.
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Today, I look back in retrospect and feel a little disagree. To some extent, the narrator was right. Communication is the key. Try to be more understanding? It is still applicable somehow, only if our partner is still “new” in doing one particular kind of mistake, or perhaps we can be more tolerable for the second, or even the third. But having your partner doing the frustrating mistake for, let’s say, four or five times, although we have given our best efforts to understand and communicate well to them, will push us beyond our limit. Being a woman is another thing here, as well. I want to point out why it is always us, women, who are advised to be more understanding if our masculine partner makes some errors? Why the narrator did not push the man to be more disciplined and careful with her partner, trying to not repeat the same, old, boring mistake, and learning HOW to not repeat the fault and thus not upsetting the poor woman?
I might be still doing what the narrator has advised: doing communication and understanding but ONLY at one time. If the mature, smart, and grown-up man I opted to be my partner who by any chance doing some mistake MORE THAN once and this mistake is serious, should I treat him with such endearing and soothing behaviour perpetually? No. After all, he’s an adult. He has learnt many things in his life. We both chose each other with the same expectation that we will help one another to be a better human in our life, to not add more burden, for instance by carefully not repeating things that could disappoint or even hurt each other.
In the end, the main point of the relationship is not one person being caring and giving too much
space while the others can enjoy their life like a child.
And I hope both of us will look out for each other's feelings more carefully.
With love and good night,
