This is how it feels like if you're having a crush, bur you keep silent about it, but you lowkey are longing for interaction and communication that will cheer up your entire day, but you don't express it anyway. every replies will ignite your heartbeat. every sources about him will be an artifact that you analyse really carefully, wholeheartedly. even his username on your instagram views will make you smile.
it's quite pathetic, isn't it? I recently saw from Instagram that if you feel like you're attached or attracted to someone so strongly though you barely know each other, it is most likely because of (1) you're bored -- you have nothing going on in your life at the moment and your brain identifies this person as a form of 'excitement', (2) you're trying to avoid painful and overwhelming situation in your life right now, so you associate this person as a form of 'distraction', and (3) you want what they have (or what they represent to you), whether it's their discipline, success, assertiveness, etc etc, so they are a form of 'reflection' to you. i cannot deny all these factors, as my life (especially the romantic sphere) has been suck for the last 6 months, and it was when I met him, I finally felt something. not as cliché as love, but probably ... attraction.
these last two days I scanned his name on my instagram views and found none. i wonder if this is because he is busy or he might do something with my account (mute me?) or if it's just an instagram random algorithm that push my story away from his top 10. the second thing is quite impossible, as I highly doubt he feel such a strong emotion towards me to the point he want to mute me. see, I stress over something so trivial and again: it's quite pathetic, isn't it?
but just a few minutes ago I see his name.
I smile.
while I pray that this constant attraction just flickers away like fireflies who went to their home after the morning light, I'm also grateful since I could find peace in the smallest interaction and I am still able to like someone.
or: let's wake up from your delulu-ness and make him as one of your close friend, and see if things going well afterwards, shabia.
